SANTA SHOT DEAD — Husband Charged with Double Murder

“… oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.”

Lubbock TX —  Santa Claus was shot dead by a jealous husband late Tuesday night in a double murder.  William Joseph Courouge, 38, has been charged by police with the murder of Mr. Claus and  Cindy Lou Courouge, 31.

Mr. Courouge was quoted as saying while being led away in handcuffs from the scene, “Lucky I heard my kid creep down the stairs to have a peep.   Where I come from, that ain’t “kissing.”  She sure as hell wasn’t tickling him only under his beard.”

An elf who wished to remain anonymous said, “I’m surprised this hasn’t happened sooner.  I mean no one got more action in one night than Santa.  The miracle of Santa wasn’t that he delivered all those presents in one night.  It was that a fat, thousand-year old man could [get an erection] so many times in such short order.  These women would throw themselves at Santa like a bunch of drunk Tri-Delts lusting after the captain of the football team.  They all wanted to ‘unwrap Santa’s package.'”

Santa Arrested!

CHICAGO, IL — Mr. Santa Clause of an unincorporated northern address was arrested Tuesday night on charges of solicitation of prostitution.  The police report states that Mr. Clause was driving “an unusual animal-powered vehicle” in a well-known red light district.  Witnesses report that Mr. Clause would take a wrapped package out of a large bag, hold out the package to a woman and shout “Ho, ho, ho.”

Mr. Clause remains held in Cook County Jail.  Due to the backlog of cases and the County Court’s holiday schedule, Mr. Clause’s first court appearance is scheduled for December 26th.